Last month I started seeing a counselor for myself.
This fact will come as a shock to few people considering I suggest counseling to EVERYBODY. ALL THE TIME. I believe in therapy. I have helped many people solve huge problems and come to groundbreaking revelations in my gym. I absolutely believe that a licensed therapist can help.
I have been in a counseling office before. I have sat in a few counseling sessions for marriage counseling. I went three times and didn’t feel the need to go anymore. Even though the counselor said that WE had communication problems, it was clear that my husband was the one who needed counseling. We all know that husbands are THE problem in marriages. There are studies!
I am being funny about husbands being the problem in marriages, but I did in fact skedaddle after the 3rd session. I don’t advise this approach to solve marital issues. Be better than me.
I talked non-stop for 58 minutes during my first solo session. My therapist advised that I explained everything I experienced but did not say how I felt about any of it. She said that I intellectualize everything.
I found her observation to be spot on considering I know for a fact that I stopped being affected by things mid-2021. Something would happen and I would be like, “okay, that’s it?” I also spoke about how my femininity flew out the window in my previous blog. She said she sees this a lot in her clients who are Black women.
And the numbers back that up. Research shows that black adults often carry high levels of psychological stress while being less likely to receive consistent mental health support. Many black women also live under the expectation of always being strong, capable, and emotionally contained. Counseling becomes one of the few spaces where that armor can safely come off.
In order to get back in touch with feeling my personal feelings, she gave me an emotions wheel. I was instructed to take a few minutes each day to describe how I feel using the wheel. I have found the wheel to be amazing. Seeing and choosing the words gives me a lot of clarity. For instance, I may feel angry, but what I am really feeling is resentful. Those are two different things. Those words can create two different conversations. I am going to place a wheel below for you to try it out. You can use this with yourself or someone else who you need to communicate better with.
Counseling is not just for when life is falling apart. There are real, practical benefits: a neutral space to process things without judgment, language for emotions you’ve been carrying for years, healthier communication, and relief from the pressure of holding everything alone.
For many of us, especially black women, counseling can feel unfamiliar, unnecessary, or even indulgent. But it is none of those things. It is maintenance. It is protection. It is care.
Being strong and being supported are allowed to exist at the same time.
If you’ve been thinking about starting, consider this your nudge. You don’t have to wait until you’re overwhelmed. You don’t have to have the perfect reason. You just have to start.